
	--Principa Discordia
%
A jug of wine,
A leg of lamb
And thou!
Beside me,
Whistling in
the darkness.

Be Ye Not Lost Among Precepts of Order...
- The Book of Uterus 1;5
%
Some excerpts from an interview with Malaclypse the Younger by THE GREATER 
METROPOLITAN YORBA LINDA HERALD-NEWS-SUN-TRIBUNE-JOURNAL-DISPATCH-POST AND 
SAN FRANCISCO DISCORDIAN SOCIETY CABAL BULLETIN AND INTERGALACTIC REPORT & 
POPE POOP.

GREATER POOP: Are you really serious or what?
MAL-2: Sometimes I take humor seriously. Sometimes I take seriousness 
       humorously. Either way it is irrelevant.

GP: Maybe you are just crazy.
M2: Indeed! But do not reject these teaching as false because I am crazy. 
    The reason that I am crazy is because they are true.

GP: Is Eris true?
M2: Everything is true.
GP: Even false things?
M2: Even false things are true.
GP: How can that be?
M2: I don't know man, I didn't do it.

GP: Why do you deal with so many negatives?
M2: To dissolve them.
GP: Will you develop that point?
M2: No.

GP: Is there an essential meaning behind POEE?
M2: There is a Zen Story about a student who asked a Master to explain the 
    meaning of Buddhism. The Master's reply was "Three pounds of flax."
GP: Is that the answer to my question?
M2: No, of course not. That is just illustrative. The answer to your 
    question is FIVE TONS OF FLAX!
%
- JOSHUA NORTON CABAL -
Surrealists, Harlequinists, Absurdists and Zonked Artists Melee
POEE
is one manifestation of
THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY
about which
you will learn more
and understand
less
We
are a tribe
of philosophers, theologians,
magicians, scientists,
artists, clowns,
and similar maniacs
who are intrigued
with
ERIS
GODDESS OF CONFUSION
and with
Her
Doings
%
I Tell You: One must
still have chaos in one
to give birth to a
dancing star!
-Nietzsche
%
THE FIVE COMMANDMENTS (THE PENTABARF)
The PENTABARF was discovered by the hermit Apostle Zarathud in the Fifth Year of 
The Caterpillar. He found them carved in gilded stone, while building a sun deck 
for his cave, but their import was lost for they were written in a mysterious 
cypher. However, after 10 weeks & 11 hours of intensive scrutiny he discerned 
that the message could be read by standing on his head and viewing it upside 
down.

KNOW YE THIS O MAN OF FAITH! 
I - There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess. There is no Erisian 
Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is The Erisian Movement. And every Golden 
Apple Corps is the beloved home of a Golden Worm.
II - A Discordian Shall Always use the Official Discordian Document Numbering 
System.
III - A Discordian is Required during his early Illumination to Go Off Alone & 
Partake Joyously of a Hot Dog on a Friday; this Devotive Ceremony to Remonstrate 
against the popular Paganisms of the Day: of Catholic Christendom (no meat on 
Friday), of Judaism (no meat of Pork), of Hindic Peoples (no meat of Beef), of 
Buddhists (no meat of animal), and of Discordians (no Hot Dog Buns).
IV - A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was the Solace of Our 
Goddess when She was Confronted with The Original Snub.
V - A Discordian is Prohibited of Believing what he reads.
%
IT IS SO WRITTEN! SO BE IT. HAIL DISCORDIA! PROSECUTORS WILL BE TRANSGRESSICUTED.
%
Test Question from Topanga Cabal The Twelve Famous Buddha Minds School: 
If they are our brothers, how come we can't eat them?
%
A ZEN STORY
by Camden Benares, The Count of Five, Headmaster, Camp Meeker Cabal 
A serious young man found the conflicts of mid 20th Century America 
confusing.  He went to many people seeking a way of resolving within himself 
the discords that troubled him, but he remained troubled.
                                                           One night in a 
coffee house, a self-ordained Zen Master said to him, "go to the dilapidated 
mansion you will find at this address which I have written down for you.  Do 
not speak to those who live there; you must remain silent until the moon 
rises tomorrow night.  Go to the large room on the right of the main 
hallway, sit in the lotus position on top of the rubble in the northeast 
corner, face the corner, and meditate."
                                         He did just as the Zen Master 
instructed. His meditation was frequently interrupted by worries.  He 
worried whether or not the rest of the plumbing fixtures would fall from the 
second floor bathroom to join the pipes and other trash he was sitting on. 
He worried how would he know when the moon rose on the next night.  He 
worried about what the people who walked through the room said about him.

His worrying and meditation were disturbed when, as if in a test of his 
faith, ordure fell from the second floor onto him.  At that time two people 
walked into the room.  The first asked the second who the man was sitting 
there was.  The second replied "Some say he is a holy man. Others say he is 
a shithead."
              Hearing this, the man was enlightened.
%
Western Union Telegram
To: Jehova Yahweh
Care: Celestial Hotel (Suite #666)
Presidential Tier, Paradise
Dear God;
This is to inform you that your current position as deity is herewith 
terminated due to gross incompetence STOP Your check will be mailed STOP 
Please do not use me for a reference

Respectfully,

Malaclypse the Younger/Omnibenevolent Polyfather
POEE High Priest
%
10. The Earth quakes and the heavens rattle; the beasts of nature flock together 
and the nations of men flock apart; volcanoes usher up heat while elsewhere 
water becomes ice and melts; and then on other days it just rains. 
%
11. Indeed do many things come to pass.
%
THE BIRTH OF THE ERISIAN MOVEMENT
The Revelation
Just prior to the decade of the nineteen-sixties, when Sputnik was alone and 
new, and about the time that Ken Kesey took his first acid trip as a medical 
volunteer; before underground newspapers, Viet Nam, and talk of a second 
American Revolution; in the comparative quiet of the late nineteen- fifties, 
just before the idea of RENAISSANCE became relevant....
Two young Californians, known later as Omar Ravenhurst and Malaclypse the 
Younger, were indulging in their habit of sipping coffee at an allnight 
bowling alley and generally solving the world's problems. This particular 
evening the main subject of discussion was discord and they were complaining 
to each other of the personal confusion they felt in their respective lives. 
"Solve the problem of discord," said one, "and all other problems will vanish." 
"Indeed," said the other, "chaos and strife are the roots of all confusion."
%
There walked into the room a chimpanzee, shaggy and grey about the muzzle, yet 
upright to his full five feet, and poised with natural majesty. He carried a 
scroll and walked to the young men.

"Gentlemen," he said, "why does Pickering's Moon go about in reverse orbit? 
Gentlemen, there are nipples on your chests; do you give milk? And what, pray 
tell, Gentlemen, is to be done about Heisenberg's Law?" He paused. 
"SOMEBODY HAD TO PUT ALL OF THIS CONFUSION HERE!"

And with that he revealed his scroll. It was a diagram, like a yin- yang with 
a pentagon on one side and an apple on the other. And then he exploded and the 
two lost consciousness.
%
ERIS - Goddess of Chaos, Discord & Confusion
They awoke to the sound of pins clattering, and found the bowlers engaged in 
their game and the waitress busy with making coffee. It was apparant that their
experience had been private.
They discussed their strange encounter and reconstructed from memory the 
chimpanzee's diagram. Over the next five days they searched libraries to find 
the significance of it, but were disappointed to uncover only references to 
Taoism, the Korean flag, and Technocracy. It was not until they traced the 
Greek writing on the apple that they discovered the ancient Goddess known to 
the Greeks as Eris and to the Romans as Discordia. This was on the fifth night,
and when they slept that night each had a vivid dream of a splendid woman whose
eyes were as soft as feather and as deep as eternity itself, and whose body was
the spectacular dance of atoms and universes. Pyrotechnics of pure energy formed
her flowing hair, and rainbows manifested and dissolved as she spoke in a warm
and gentle voice:

I have come to tell you that you are free. Many ages ago, My consciousness left
man, that he might develop himself. I return to find this development 
approaching completion, but hindered by fear and by misunderstanding.

You have built for yourselves psychic suits of armor, and clad in them, your
vision is restricted, your movements are clumsy and painful, your skin is
bruised, and your spirit is broiled in the sun.

I am chaos. I am the substance from which your artists and scientists build
rhythms. I am the spirit with which your children and clowns laugh in happy
anarchy. I am chaos. I am alive, and I tell you that you are free.
%
During the next months they studied philosophies and theologies, and learned
that Eris or Discordia was primarily feared by the ancients as being 
disruptive. Indeed, the very concept of chaos was still considered equivalent
to strife and treated as a negative. "No wonder things are all screwed up," 
they concluded, "they have got it all backwards." They found that the principle
of disorder was every much as significant as the principle of order.

With this in mind, they studied the strange yin-yang. During a meditation one
afternoon, a voice came to them:

It is called the Sacred Chao. I appoint you Keepers of It. Therein you will 
find anything you like. Speak of Me as Discord, to show contrast to the 
pentagon. Tell constricted mankind that there are no rules, unless they choose
to invent rules. Keep close the words of Syadasti: 'TIS AN ILL WIND THAT BLOWS
NO MINDS. And remember that there is no tyranny in the State of Confusion. For
further information, consult your pineal gland.
%
"What is this?" mumbled one to the other, "A religion based on The Goddess of
Confusion? It is utter madness!"

And with those words, each looked at the other in absolute awe. Omar began to
giggle. Mal began to laugh. Omar began to jump up and down. Mal was hooting and
hollering to beat all hell. And amid squeals of mirth and with tears on their
cheeks, each appointed the other to be high priest of his own madness, and
together they declared themselves to be a society of Discordia, for what ever
that may turn out to be.
%
"There are trivial truths & there are great truths. The opposite of a trivial
truth is plainly false. The opposite of a great truth is also true." 
-Neils Bohr 
%
"Did you know that there is a million bucks hidden in the house next door?" 
"But there is no house next door." "No? Then let's go build one!" 
-MARX 
%
Momomoto, Famous Japanese, can swallow his nose.
%
St. Trinian's
SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL POLICE
Sewing Circle
%
THE BATTLE HYMN OF THE ERISTOCRACY
by Lord Omar

VERSE
Mine brain has meditated on the spinning of The Chao;
It is hovering o'er the table where the Chiefs of Staff are now
Gathered in discussion of the dropping of The Bomb;
Her Apple Corps is strong!

CHORUS
Grand (and gory) Old Discordja!
Grand (and gory) Old Discordja!
Grand (and gory) Old Discordja!
Her Apple Corps is strong!

VERSE
She was not invited to the party that they held on Limbo Peak;*
So She threw a Golden Apple, 'sted of turn'd t'other cheek!
O it cracked the Holy Punchbowl and it made the nectar leak;
Her Apple Corps is strong!

* "Limbo Peak" refers to Old Limbo Peak, 
   commonly called by the Greeks "Ol' Limb' Peak."
%
If a quixotic socrates studied zen under Zorba...?
%
"The tide is turning... the enemy is suffering terrible losses" 
-Gen. Geo. A. Custer 
%
ON PRAYER
Mal-2 was once asked by one of his Disciples if he often prayed to Eris. 
He replied with these words:

No, we Erisians seldom pray, it is much too dangerous. Charles Fort has 
listed many factual incidences of ignorant people confronted with, say, a 
drought, and then praying fervently -- and then getting the entire village
wiped out in a torrential flood.
%
"Of course I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. I'm mad but not ill" 
(Werewolf Bridge, Robert Anton Wison) 
%
14. Wipe thine ass with what is written and grin like a ninny at what is 
Spoken. Take thine refuge with thine wine in the Nothing behind Everything, 
as you hurry along the Path.
%
Heaven is down. Hell is up.
This is proven by the fact
that the planets and stars
are orderly in their
movements,                                      
while down on earth                     
we come close to the
primal chaos.
There are four other
proofs,
but I forget them.
 
        -Josh the Dill
         King Kong Kabal
%
IGNOTUM PER IGNOTIUS
The meaning of this is unknown
%
IT IS MY FIRM BELIEF THAT IT IS A MISTAKE TO HOLD FIRM BELIEFS.
%
The Classical Greeks were not influenced by the Classical Greeks.

DO NOT CIRCULATE!
%
What We Know About ERIS (not much)
The Romans left a likeness of Her for posterity--She was shown as a grotesque 
woman with a pale and ghastly look, Her eyes afire, Her garment ripped and 
torn, and as concealing a dagger in Her Bosom. Actually, most women look pale 
and ghastly when concealing a chilly dagger in their bosoms.
Her geneology is from the Greeks and is utterly confused. Either She was the 
twin of Ares and the daughter of Zeus and Hera; or She was the daughter of Nyx,
goddess of night (who was either the daughter or wife of Chaos, or both), and 
Nyx's brother, Erebus, and whose brothers and sisters include Death, Doom, 
Mockery, and Friendship. And that She begat Forgetfullness, Quarrels, Lies, 
and a bunch of gods and goddesses like that.
%
One day Mal-2 consulted his Pineal Gland* and asked Eris if She really created
all of those terrible things. She told him that She had always liked the Old
Greeks, but that they cannot be trusted with historic matters. "They were," She
added, "victims of indigestion, you know."

Suffice it to say that Eris is not hateful or malicious. But She is mischievous,
and does get a little bitchy at times.

*THE PINEAL GLAND is where each and every one of us can talk to Eris. If you 
have trouble activating your Pineal, then try the appendix which does almost 
as well. Reference: DOGMA I, METAPHYSICS #3, "The Indoctrine of the Pineal 
Gland"
%
DIRUIT AEDIFICAT MUTAT QUADRATA ROTUNDUS 
-Horace 
%
THE INSIDE STORY!
The Law of Fives

The Law of Fives is one of the oldest Erisian Mysterees. It was first revealed
to Good Lord Omar and is one of the great contributions to come from The 
Hidden Temple of The Happy Jesus.
POEE subscribes to the Law of Fives of Omar's sect. And POEE also recognizes 
the holy 23 (2+3=5) that is incorporated by Episkopos Dr. Mordecai Malignatus, 
KNS, into his Discordian sect, The Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria.

The Law of Fives states simply that: 
     ALL THINGS HAPPEN IN FIVES, OR ARE DIVISIBLE BY OR ARE MULTIPLES OF FIVE, 
     OR ARE SOMEHOW DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY APPROPRIATE TO 5.

The Law of Fives is never wrong.

In the Erisian Archives is an old memo from Omar to Mal-2: 
"I find the Law of Fives to be more and more manifest the harder I look."
%
Please do not use this
document as toilet tissue
%
The Nagas of Upper Burma say that the sun
shines by day because, being a woman, it
is afraid to venture out at night.
%
"You will find that the State is the kind of ORGANIZATION which, 
though it does big things badly, does small things badly too." 
- John Kenneth Galbraith 
%
THE MYTH OF THE APPLE OF DISCORD
It seems that Zeus was preparing a wedding banquet for Peleus and Thetis and 
did not want to invite Eris because of Her reputation as a trouble maker.*
This made Eris angry, and so She fashioned an apple of pure gold** and 
inscribed upon it KALLISTI ("To The Prettiest One") and on the day of the fete
She rolled it into the banquet hall and then left to be alone and joyously 
partake of a hot dog.
   Now, three of the invited goddesses,*** Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite, each 
immediately claimed it to belong to herself because of the inscription. And
they started fighting, and they started throwing punch all over the place and 
everything.
   Finally Zeus calmed things down and declared that an arbitrator must be 
selected, which was a reasonable suggestion, and all agreed. He sent them to a
shepherd of Troy, whose name was Paris because his mother had had a lot of
gaul and had married a Frenchman; but each of the sneaky goddesses tried to 
outwit the others by going early and offering a bribe to Paris.
Athena offered him Heroic War Victories, Hera offered him Great Wealth, and
Aphrodite offered him the Most Beautiful Woman on Earth. Being a healthy young
Trojan lad, Paris promptly accepted Aphrodite's bribe and she got the apple 
and he got screwed.
   As she had promised, she maneuvered earthly happenings so that Paris could
have Helen (the Helen) then living with her husband Menelaus, King of Sparta.
Anyway, everyone knows that the Trojan War followed when Sparta demanded their
Queen back and that the Trojan War is said to be The First War among men.

And so we suffer because of the Original Snub. 
And so a Discordian is to partake of No Hot Dog Buns.

Do you believe that?

* This is called THE DOCTRINE OF THE ORIGINAL SNUB
** There is historic disagreement concerning whether this apple was of 
metallic gold or acapulco.
*** Actually there were five goddesses, but the Greeks did not know the 
Law of Fives.
%
Remember:
KING
   KONG
Died for
your Sins
%
Ho Chi Zen
is
King Cong
%
5. An Age of Confusion, or an Ancient Age, is one in which History As We Know
It begins to unfold, in which Whatever Is Coming emerges in Corporal Form, 
more or less, and such times are Ages of Balanced Unbalance, or Unbalanced 
Balance.
%
6. An Age of Bureaucracy is an Imperial Age in which Things Mature, in which
Confusion becomes entrenched and during which Balanced Balance, or Stagnation,
is attained.
%
7. An Age of Disorder or an Aftermath is an Apocalyptic Period of Transition
back to Chaos through the Screen of Oblivion into which the Age passeth, 
finally. These are Ages of Unbalanced Unbalance.
%
Do You Remember? 
1. Polite children will always remember that 
a church is the _____ of _____.
%
An Erisian Hymn
by Rev. Dr. Mungojerry Grindlebone, KOB
Episkopos, THE RAYVILLE APPLE PANTHERS 

Onwards Christian Soldiers,
Onwards Buddhist Priests.
Onward, Fruits of Islam,
Fight till you're deceased.
Fight your little battles.
Join in thickest fray;
For the Greater Glory,
of Dis-cord-i-a.
Yah, yah, yah,
Yah, yah, yah, yah.
Blfffffffffffft!
%
Mr. Momomoto, famous Japanese who can swallow his nose, has been exposed. 
It was recently revealed that it was Mr. Momomoto's brother who has been 
doing all this nose swallowing.
%
Heute Die Welt
Morgens das Sonnensystem!
%
THE FIVE FINGERED HAND OF ERIS
The official symbol of POEE is here illustrated. It may be this, or any 
similar device to represent TWO OPPOSING ARROWS CONVERGING INTO A COMMON 
POINT. It may be vertical, horizontal, or else such, and it may be elaborated 
or simplified as desired.
The esoteric name for this symbol is THE FIVE FINGERED HAND OF ERIS, commonly
shortened to THE HAND.
                            \  /
                        -----><-----
                            /  \
NOTE: In the lore of western magic, the \/ is taken to symbolize horns, 
especially the horns of Satan or of diabolical beasties. The Five Fingered
Hand of Eris, however, is not intended to be taken as satanic, for the "horns"
are supported by another set, of inverted "horns". Or maybe it is walrus tusks.
I don't know what it is, to tell the truth. 
%
"Surrealism aims at the total transformation of 
 the mind and all that resembles it" 
-Breton
%
-><- POEE -><-

POEE (pronounced "POEE") is an acronym for The PARATHEO-ANAMETAMYSTIKHOOD OF 
ERIS ESOTERIC. The first part can be taken to mean "equivalent deity,
reversity beyond-mystique." We are not really esoteric, it's just that nobody
pays much attention to us.
MY HIGH REVERENCE MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, AB, DD, KSC, is the High Priest of
POEE, and POEE is grounded in his episkopotic revelations of The Goddess. He
is called [The Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Virginity in Gold].

The POEE HEAD TEMPLE is the Joshua Norton Cabal of The Discordian Society,
which is located in Mal-2's pineal gland and can be found by temporally and
spacially locating the rest of Mal-2.

POEE has no treasury, no by-laws, no articles, no guides save Mal-2's pineal
gland, and has only one scruple--which Mal-2 keeps on his key chain.

POEE has not registered, incorporated, or otherwise chartered with the State,
and so the State does not recognize POEE or POEE Ordinations, which is only
fair, because POEE does not recognize the State.
%
POEE has 5 DEGREES:

There is the neophyte, or LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLE.
The LEGIONNAIRE DEACON, who is catching on.
An Ordained POEE PRIEST/PRIESTESS or a CHAPLIN.
The HIGH PRIEST, the Polyfather.
And POEE =POPE=. POEE LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLES are authorized to initiate others 
as Discordian Society Legionnaires. PRIESTS appoint their own DEACONS. The 
POLYFATHER ordains priests. I don't know about the =POPES=. 
%
"This book is a mirror. When a monkey looks in, no apostle looks out." 
-Lichtenberg 
%
   LICK HERE!!!

	*

(You may be one   
	of the lucky 25) 
%
ORDINATION AS A POEE PRIEST
There are no particular qualifications for Ordination because if you want to 
be a POEE Priest then you must undoubtedly qualify. Who could possibly know 
better than you whether or not you should be Ordained? 
An ORDAINED POEE PRIEST or PRIESTESS is defined as "one who holds an 
Ordination Certificate from the Office of the Polyfather." 
%
Seek into the Chao if thou wouldst be wise And find ye delight in Her Great 
Surprise! Look into the Chao if thou wantest to know What's in a Chao and why 
it ain't so! (HBT; The Book of Advise, 1:1) 
%
World Council of Churches Boutique
Note to POEE Priests:
The Polyfather wishes to remind all Erisians the POEE was conceived not as a 
commercial enterprise, and that you are requested to keep your cool when 
seeking funds for POEE Cabals or when spreading the POEE Word via the market 
place. 
%
The Hidden stone ripens fast, then laid bare like a turnip can easily be cut 
out at last but even then the danger isn't past. That man lives best who's 
fain to live half mad, half sane. 
-Flemish Poet Jan Van Stijevoort, 1524. 
%
The Erisian Affirmation
BEFORE THE GODDESS ERIS, I (name or holyname), do herewith declare myself a 
POEE BROTHER of THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD. HAIL HAIL HAIL HAIL HAIL ERIS 
ERIS ERIS ERIS ERIS ALL HAIL DISCORDIA! 
the presiding POEE Official (if any) responds: 

ALL HAIL DISCORDIA!
%
find the goddess Eris                           
Within your Pineal Gland                        
      POEE     
%
To Diverse Gods
Do Mortals bow;
Holy Cow, and
Wholly Chao
-Rev. Dr. Grindlebone
Monroe Cabal
%
"common sense is what tells you that the world is flat." 
%
This is St. Gulik. He is the Messenger of the Goddess. 
A different age from ours called him Hermes. 
Many people called him by many names. He is a Roach 
%
Glory to We Children of ERIS
 
Presented under the auspices
of our Lady of Discord, ERIS
by the House of the Apostles
of ERIS.
 
-><-
%
HOW TO START A POEE CABAL WITHOUT MESSING AROUND WITH THE POLYFATHER
If you can't find the Polyfather, or having found him, don't want anything 
to do with him, you are still authorized to form your own POEE CABAL and do 
Priestly Things, using the Principia Discordia as a guide. Your Official Rank 
will be POEE CHAPLIN for the LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD, which is exactly the 
same as a POEE PRIEST except that you don't have an Ordination Certificate. 
The words you are now reading are your ordination. 
%
HOW TO BECOME A POEE CHAPLIN 

Write the ERISIAN AFFIRMATION in five copies. 
Sign and nose-print each copy. 
Send one to the President of the United States. 
Send one to 
        The California State Bureau of Furniture and Bedding
        1021 'D' Street, Sacramento CA 94814

Nail one to a telephone pole. Hide one. And burn the other. 
Then consult your pineal gland.
%
General License was Sgt. Pepper's Commander 
%
~~ OLD POEE SLOGAN ~~

When in Doubt, Fuck it.
When not in Doubt... get in Doubt!
%
Trip 5! 
%
= The POEE Baptismal Rite =
This Mysteree Rite is not required for initiation, but it is offered 
by many POEE Priests to proselytes who desire a formal ceremony. 
1) The Priests and four Brothers are arranged in a pentagon with the 
Initiate in the center facing the Priests. If possible, the Brothers on 
the immediate right and left of the Priest should be Deacons. The Initiate 
must be totally naked, to demonstrate that he is truly a human being and not 
something else in disguise like a cabbage or something. 

2) All persons in the audience and the pentagon, excepting the Priest, assume 
a squatting position and return to a standing position. This is repeated four 
more times. This dance is symbolic of the humility of we Erisians. 

3) The Priest begins: I, (complete Holy Name, with Mystical Titles, and 
degrees, designations, offices, etc.), Ordained Priest of the 
Paratheo-anametamystikhood of Eris Esoteric, with the Authority invested 
at me by the High Priest of It, Office of the Polyfather, The House of the 
Rising Podge, POEE Head Temple; Do herewith Require of Ye: 

ARE YE A HUMAN BEING AND NOT A CABBAGE OR SOMETHING? 
The Initiate answers YES. 
THAT'S TOO BAD. DO YE WISH TO BETTER THYSELF? 
The Initiate answers YES. 
HOW STUPID. ARE YE WILLING TO BECOME PHILOSOPHICALLY ILLUMINIZED? 
He answers YES. 
VERY FUNNY. WILL YE DEDICATE YESELF TO THE HOLEY ERISIAN MOVEMENT? 
The Initiate answers PROBABLY. 
THEN SWEAR YE THE FOLLOWING AFTER ME: 
(The Priest here leads the Initiate in a recital of THE ERISIAN AFFIRMATION.) 
The Priest continues: THEN I DO HERE PROCLAIM YE POEE DISCIPLE (name), 
LEGIONNAIRE OF THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD. HAIL ERIS! HAIL HAIL! HAIL YES! 
4) All present rejoice grandly. The new Brother opens a large jug of wine and 
offers it to all who are present. 
5) The Ceremony generally degenerates. 
%
Mord says that Omar says that we are all unicorns anyway.
%
DO NOT PULL ON YELLOW TIP
%
3. And though Omar did bid of the Collector of Garbage, in words that were
both sweet and bitter, to surrender back the cigar box containing the cards
designated by the Angel as The Honest Book of Truth, the Collector was to him
as one who might be smitten deaf, saying only: 'Gainst the rules, y'know.
%
Answers:
1. Harry Houdini
2. Swing Music
3. Pretzels
4. 8 months
5. Testy Culbert
6. It protrudes.
7. No vocal cords
%
THE POEE MYSTEREE OATH
The Initiate swears the following:
FLYING BABY SHIT!!!!!

(Brothers of the Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria sect may wish to 
substitute the German:

FLIEGENDE KINDERSCHEISSE!

or perhaps

WIECZNY KWIAT WTADZA!!!!! which is Ewige Blumenkraft in Polish.)
%
THE RECENT EXPOSE THAT MR. MOMOMOTO, FAMOUS JAPANESE WHO CAN SWALLOW HIS NOSE,
CANNOT SWALLOW HIS NOSE BUT HIS BROTHER CAN, HAS BEEN EXPOSED! IT IS 
MR. MOMOMOTO WHO CAN SWALLOW HIS NOSE. HE SWALLOWED HIS BROTHER IN THE SUMMER
OF '44.
%
Corrections to last week's copy: Johnny Sample is offensive cornerback for the
New York Jets, not fullback as stated. Bobby Tolan's name is not Randy, but
mud. All power to the people, and ban the fucking bomb.
%
"This statement is false"
(courtesy of POEE)
%
NO TWO EQUALS ARE THE SAME!
%
THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY
The Discordian Society has no definition. 
I sometimes think of it as a disorganization of Eris Freaks. It has been 
called a guerrilla mind theatre. Episkopos Randomfactor, Director of Purges 
of Our People's Underworld Movement sect in Larchmont, prefers "The World's 
Greatest Association of What-ever-it-is-that-we-are." Lady Mal thinks of it 
as a RENAISSANCE THINK TANK. Fang the Unwashed, WKC, won't say. You can think
of it any way you like. 
%
AN EPISKOPOS OF THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY is one who prefers total autonomy, and
creates his own Discordian sect as The Goddess directs him. He speaks for 
himself and for those that say that they like what he says. 
%
THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD: A Discordian Society Legionnaire is one who
prefers not to create his own sect. 

If you want in on the Discordian Society then declare yourself what you wish 
do what you like and tell us about it or if you prefer don't. 
%
There are no rules anywhere.            
The Goddess Prevails.
%
Some Episkoposes
have a one-man cabal.
Some work together.
Some never do explain.
%
When I get to the bottom I go back to the top
of the slide where I stop and I turn and I go
for a ride, then I get to the bottom and I see
you again!  Helter Skelter!
                        -John Lennon
%
"Everybody I know who is right always agrees with ME" -Rev Lady Mal 
%
THE GOLDEN APPLE CORPS
The Golden Apple Corps* is an honorary position for the Keepers of The Sacred 
Chao, so that they can put "KSC" after their names. 

It says little, does less, means nothing. 
* Not to be confused with The Apple Corps Ltd. of those four singers. 
We thought of it first. 
%
- The Numeral V sign -
Used by Old Roman Discordians, Illuminatus Churchill, 
and innocent Hippies everywhere. 
%
HOLY NAMES
Discordians have a tradition of assuming HOLY NAMES. This is not unique to 
Erisianism, of course. I suppose that Pope Paul is the son of Mr. and Mrs. VI?
And also TITLES OF MYSTICAL IMPORT. 
%
Will whoever stole Brother Reverend Magoun's pornography please return it. 
%
THE BEARER OF THIS CARD
IS A GENUINE AND AUTHORIZED
~ POPE ~
So please Treat Him Right
GOOD FOREVER
 
Genuine and authorized by The House of Apostles of ERIS
%
Every man, woman and child on this Earth is a genuine and authorized Pope
Reproduce and distribute these cards freely- POEE Head Temple, San Francisco

A =POPE= is someone who is not under the authority of the authorities. 
%
THE PARABLE OF THE BITTER TEA
by Rev. Dr. Hypocrates Magoun, P.P. POEE PRIEST, Okinawa Cabal
When Hypoc was through meditating with St. Gulik, he went there into the 
kitchen where he busied himself with preparing the feast and in his endeavor, 
he found that there was some old tea in a pan left standing from the night 
before, when he had in his weakness forgot about its making and had let it sit
steeping for 24 hours. It was dark and murky and it was Hypoc's intention to 
use this old tea by diluting it with water. And again in his weakness, chose 
without further consideration and plunged into the physical labor of the 
preparations. It was then when deeply immersed in the pleasure of that trip, 
he had a sudden loud clear voice in his head saying "it is bitter tea that 
involves you so." Hypoc heard the voice, but the struggle inside intensified, 
and the pattern, previously established with the physical laboring and the 
muscle messages coordinated and unified or perhaps coded, continued to exert 
their influence and Hypoc succummed to the pressure and he denied the voice.

And again he plunged into the physical orgy and completed the task, and Lo as 
the voice had predicted, the tea was bitter.
%
"The Five Laws have root in awareness."
--Che Fung (Ezra Pound, Canto 85)
%
The Hell Law says that Hell is reserved exclusively for them that believe in
it.  Further, the lowest Rung in Hell is reserved for them that believe in 
it on the supposition that they'll go there if they don't.
%
A SERMON ON ETHICS AND LOVE
One day Mal-2 asked the messenger spirit Saint Gulik to approach the Goddess 
and request Her presence for some desperate advice. Shortly afterwards the 
radio came on by itself, and an ethereal female Voice said YES?
"O! Eris! Blessed Mother of Man! Queen of Chaos! Daughter of Discord! 
Concubine of Confusion! O! Exquisite Lady, I beseech You to lift a heavy 
burden from my heart!"

WHAT BOTHERS YOU, MAL? YOU DON'T SOUND WELL.

"I am filled with fear and tormented with terrible visions of pain. Everywhere
people are hurting one another, the planet is rampant with injustices, whole 
societies plunder groups of their own people, mothers imprison sons, children 
perish while brothers war. O, woe."

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH THAT, IF IT IS WHAT YOU WANT TO DO?

"But nobody Wants it! Everybody hates it."

OH. WELL, THEN STOP.

At which moment She turned herself into an aspirin commercial and left The 
Polyfather stranded alone with his species.
%
SINISTER DEXTER HAS A BROKEN SPIROMETER. 
%
=THE FIVE APOSTLES OF ERIS & WHO THEY BE =

1. HUNG MUNG 
A Sage of Ancient China and Official Discordian Missionary to the Heathen 
Chinese. He who originally devised THE SACRED CHAO. Patron of the Season 
of Chaos. Holyday: Jan 5. 
%
=THE FIVE APOSTLES OF ERIS & WHO THEY BE =

2. DR. VAN VAN MOJO 
A Head Doctor of Deep Africa and Maker of Fine Dolls. D.H.V., Doctor of 
Hoodoo and Vexes, from The Greater Metropolitan Yorba Linda Jesus Will Save 
Your Bod Home Study Bible School; and F.I.H.G.W.P., Fellow of the Intergalactic
Haitian Guerrillas for World Peace. Patron of The Season of Discord. 
Holyday: Mar 19. 
NOTE: 
Erisians of The Laughing Christ sect are of the silly contention that Dr. Mojo
is an imposter and that PATAMUNZO LINGANANDA is the True Second Apostle. Lord 
Omar claims that Dr. Mojo heaps hatred upon Patamunzo, who sends only Love 
Vibrations in return. But we of the POEE sect know that Patamunzo is the Real 
Imposter, and that those vibrations of his are actually an attempt to subvert 
Dr. Mojo's rightful apostilic authority by shaking him out of his wits. 
%
=THE FIVE APOSTLES OF ERIS & WHO THEY BE =

3. SRI SYADASTI SYADAVAKTAVYA SYADASTI SYANNASTI SYADASTI CAVAKTAVYASCA 
SYADASTI SYANNASTI SYADAVATAVYASCA SYADASTI SYANNASTI SYADAVAKTAVYASCA 
Commonly called just SRI SYADASTI. His name is Sanskrit, and means: All 
affirmations are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some
sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false
and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some 
sense. He is an Indian Pundit and Prince, born of the Peyotl Tribe, son of
Gentle Chief Sun Flower Seed and the squaw Merry Jane. Patron to psychedelic
type Discordians.
Patron of the Season of Confusion. Holyday: May 31. NOTE: Sri Syadasti should
not be confused with Blessed St. Gulik the Stoned, who is not the same person 
but is the same Apostle. 
%
=THE FIVE APOSTLES OF ERIS & WHO THEY BE =

4. ZARATHUD THE INCORRIGIBLE, sometimes called ZARATHUD THE STAUNCH 
A hard nosed Hermit of Medieval Europe and Chaosphe Bible Banger. Dubbed 
"Offender of The Faith." Discovered the Five Commandments. Patron of the 
Season of Bureaucracy. Holyday: Aug. 12 
%
=THE FIVE APOSTLES OF ERIS & WHO THEY BE =

5. THE ELDER MALACLYPSE 
A wandering Wiseman of Ancient Mediterrania ("Med-Terra" or middle earth), 
who followed a 5-pointed Star through the alleys of Rome, Damascus, Baghdad, 
Jerusalem, Mecca and Cairo, bearing a sign that seemed to read "DOOM". (This 
is a misunderstanding. The sign actually read "DUMB". Mal-1 is a Non-Prophet.)
Patron and namesake of Mal-2. Patron of The Season of The Aftermath. 
Holyday: Oct 24. 
%
All statements are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in 
some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, 
false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in 
some sense. 

A public service clarification by the Sri Syadasti School of 
Spiritual Wisdom, Wilmette.
%
The teachings of the Sri Syadasti School of Spiritual School of Spiritual 
Wisdom are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, 
true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and 
meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense. 

Patamunzo Lingananda School of Higher Spiritual Wisdom, Skokie.
%
Hey Man...Great! I feel goofy, the way my old man looks when he's drunk.
%
CONVENTIONAL CHAOS
GREYFACE
In the year 1166 B.C., a malcontented hunchbrain by the name of Greyface, 
got it into his head that the universe was as humorless as he, and he began 
to teach that play was sinful because it contradicted the ways of Serious 
Order. "Look at all the order around you," he said. And from that, he 
deluded honest men to believe that reality was a straightjacket affair and 
not the happy romance as men had known it.
It is not presently understood why men were so gullible at that particular 
time, for absolutely no one thought to observe all the disorder around them 
and conclude just the opposite. But anyway, Greyface and his followers took 
the game of playing at life more seriously than they took life itself and 
were known even to destroy other living beings whose ways of life differed 
from their own.

The unfortunate result of this is that mankind has since been suffering from 
a psychological and spiritual imbalance. Imbalance causes frustration, and 
frustration causes fear. And fear makes for a bad trip. Man has been on a bad 
trip for a long time now.

It is called THE CURSE OF GREYFACE.
%
Bullshit makes the flowers
grow & that's beautiful.
%
Climb into the Chao with a friend or two
And follow the Way it carries you,
Adrift like a Lunatic Lifeboat Crew
Over the Waves in whatever you do.
        (HBT; The Book of Advise, 1:3)
%
[graphic deleted... if you wanna see it, READ THE BOOK] 
%
Meanwhile, at the Chinese laundromat...
%
Dull but Sincere Filler 
%
"And, behold, thusly was the Law formulated:  Imposition of Order = 
escalation of Disorder!"
 [H.B.T. ; The Gospel According to Fred, 1:6]
%
HIP-2-3-4, HIP-2-3-4
Go To Your Left-Right....
%
THE FOLLOWING IS QUOTED FROM BERGAN EVANS
ON NORBERT WEINER, NUCLEAR PHYSICIST

The second concept Wiener has to establish is that of entropy. Probability 
is a mathematical concept, coming from statistics. Entropy comes from physics.
It is the assertion-- established logically and experimentally-- that the 
universe, by its nature, is "running down", moving toward a state of inert 
uniformity devoid of form, matter, hierarchy or differentiation.
That is, in any given situation, less organization, more chaos, is 
overwhelmingly more probable than tighter organization or more order.

The tendency for entropy to increase in isolated systems is expressed in the
second law of thermodynamics-- perhaps the most pessimistic and amoral 
formulation in all human thought.

It applies however, to a closed system, to something that is an isolated 
whole, not just a part. Within such systems there may be parts, which draw 
their energy from the whole, that are moving at least temporarily, in the 
opposite direction; in them order is increasing and chaos is diminishing.

The whirlpools that swirl in a direction opposed to the main current are 
called "enclaves". And one of them is life, especially human life, which 
in a universe moving inexorably towards chaos moves towards increased order.
%
IF THE TELEPHONE RINGS TODAY..... WATER IT!
        -Rev. Thomas, Gnostic
         N.Y.C. Cabal
%
Personal
PLANETARY Pi, which I discovered, is 61. It's a Time-Energy relationship 
existing between sun and inner plants and I use it in arriving at many 
facts unknown to science. For example, multiply nude earth's circumference 
24,902.20656 by 61 and you get the distance of moon's orbit around the earth. 
This is slightly less than the actual distance because we have not yet 
considered earth's atmosphere. So be it. Christopher Garth, Evanston
%
"I should have been a plumber."
        --Albert Einstein
%
"Grasshopper always wrong in argument with chicken"
                -Book of Chan compiled by O.P.U. sect
%
= ZARATHUD'S ENLIGHTENMENT =
Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight
in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers.
One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he 
confronted The Sacred Chao while She was contentedly grazing.

"Tell me, you dumb beast." demanded the Priest in his commanding voice, 
"why don't you do something worthwhile. What is your Purpose in Life, anyway?"

Munching the tasty grass, The Sacred Chao replied "MU".*

Upon hearing this, absolutely nobody was enlightened. 
Primarily because nobody could understand Chinese.

* "MU" is the Chinese ideogram for NO-THING
%
TAO FA TSU-DAN                                      

FIND PEACE WITH A
CONTENTED CHAO
%
THE SACRED CHAO
THE SACRED CHAO is the key to illumination. Devised by the Apostle Hung Mung 
in ancient China, it was modified and popularized by the Taoists and is 
sometimes called the YIN-YANG. The Sacred Chao is not the Yin-Yang of the 
Taoists. It is the HODGE-PODGE of the Erisians. And, instead of a Podge spot 
on the Hodge side, it has a PENTAGON which symbolizes the ANERISTIC PRINCIPLE,
and instead of a Hodge spot on the Podge side, it depicts the GOLDEN APPLE OF 
DISCORDIA to symbolize the ERISTIC PRINCIPLE.
The Sacred Chao symbolizes absolutely everything anyone need ever know about 
absolutely anything, and more! It even symbolizes everything not worth knowing,
depicted by the empty space surrounding the Hodge-Podge.
%
HERE FOLLOWS SOME PSYCHO-METAPHYSICS.
If you are not hot for philosophy, best just to skip it.
The Aneristic Principle is that of APPARENT ORDER; the Eristic Principle is
that of APPARENT DISORDER. Both order and disorder are man made concepts and
are artificial divisions of PURE CHAOS, which is a level deeper that is the 
level of distinction making.
%
With our concept making apparatus called "mind" we look at reality through the
ideas-about-reality which our cultures give us. The ideas-about- reality are 
mistakenly labeled "reality" and unenlightened people are forever perplexed by
the fact that other people, especially other cultures, see "reality" 
differently. It is only the ideas-about-reality which differ. Real (capital-T
True) reality is a level deeper that is the level of concept.
%
We look at the world through windows on which have been drawn grids 
(concepts). Different philosophies use different grids. A culture is a group
of people with rather similar grids. Through a window we view chaos, and 
relate it to the points on our grid, and thereby understand it. The ORDER is 
in the GRID. That is the Aneristic Principle.

Western philosophy is traditionally concerned with contrasting one grid with 
another grid, and amending grids in hopes of finding a perfect one that will 
account for all reality and will, hence, (say unenlightened westerners) be 
True. This is illusory; it is what we Erisians call the ANERISTIC ILLUSION. 
Some grids can be more useful than others, some more beautiful than others, 
some more pleasant than others, etc., but none can be more True than any other.

DISORDER is simply unrelated information viewed through some particular grid. 
But, like "relation", no-relation is a concept. Male, like female, is an idea 
about sex. To say that male-ness is "absence of female-ness", or vice versa, 
is a matter of definition and metaphysically arbitrary. The artificial concept
of no-relation is the ERISTIC PRINCIPLE.
%
The belief that "order is true" and disorder is false or somehow wrong, 
is the Aneristic Illusion. 
To say the same of disorder, is the ERISTIC ILLUSION.
%
The point is that (little-t) truth is a matter of definition relative to the 
grid one is using at the moment, and that (capital-T) Truth, metaphysical 
reality, is irrelevant to grids entirely. Pick a grid, and through it some 
chaos appears ordered and some appears disordered. Pick another grid, and the 
same chaos will appear differently ordered and disordered.
%
Reality is the original Rorschach.
%
Verily! So much for all that.
%
The words of the Foolish and those of the Wise
Are not far apart in Discordian Eyes.
(HBT; The Book of Advise, 2:1)
%
The PODGE of the Sacred Chao is symbolized as The Golden Apple of Discordia, 
which represents the Eristic Principle of Disorder. The writing on it, 
"KALLISTI" is Greek for "TO THE PRETTIEST ONE" and refers to an old myth 
about The Goddess. But the Greeks had only a limited understanding of 
Disorder, and thought it to be a negative principle.
The Pentagon represents the Aneristic Principle of Order and symbolizes the 
HODGE. The Pentagon has several references; for one, it can be taken to 
represent geometry, one of the earliest studies of formal order to reach 
elaborate development; for another, it specifically accords with THE LAW OF 
FIVES.

THE TRUTH IS FIVE BUT MEN HAVE ONLY ONE NAME FOR IT.
                                -Patamunzo Lingananda

It is also the shape of the United States Military Headquarters, the Pentagon
Building, a most pregnant manifestation of straightjacket order resting on a 
firm foundation of chaos and constantly erupting into dazzling disorder; and 
this building is one of our more cherished Erisian Shrines. Also it so happens
that in times of medieval magic, the pentagon was the generic symbol for 
werewolves, but this reference is not particularly intended and it should be 
noted that the Erisian Movement does not discriminate against werewolves-- 
our membership roster is open to persons of all races, national origins and 
hobbies.
%
5.  Hung Mung slapped his buttocks, hopped about, and shook his head, saying 
"I do not know! I do not know!"
        HBT; The Book of Gooks, Chap. 1
%
BRUNSWICK SHRINE
In the Los Angeles suburb of Whittier there lives a bowling alley, and 
within this very place, in the Year of Our Lady of Discord 3125 (1959*), 
Eris revealed Herself to The Golden Apple Corps for the first time.
In honor of this Incredible Event, this Holy Place is revered as a Shrine by 
all Erisians. Once every five years, the Golden Apple Corps plans a 
Pilgrimage to Brunswick Shrine as an act of Devotion, and therein to partake 
of No Hot Dog Buns, and ruminate a bit about It All.

It is written that when The Corps returns to The Shrine for the fifth time 
five times over, than shall the world come to an end:

IMPENDING DOOM HAS ARRIVED
        And Five Days Prior to This Occasion The Apostle The Elder
        Malaclypse Shall Walk the Streets of Whittier Bearing a Sign
        for All Literates to Read thereof: "DOOM", as a Warning of
        Forthcoming Doom to All Men Impending. And He Shall Signal
        This Event by Seeking the Poor and Distributing to Them Precious
        MAO BUTTONS and Whittier Shall be Known as The Region of Thud
        for These Five Days.

As a public service to all mankind and civilization in general, and to us 
in particular, the Golden Apple Corps has concluded that planning such a 
Pilgrimage is sufficient and that it is prudent to never get around to 
actually going.
%
STARBUCK'S PEBBLES                                     
 Which Is Real?
 
 
                                *
 

                        *               *
 

 
                            *       *
 

Do these 5 pebbles REALLY form a pentagon?
[note: they were pebbles, originally..try doing ASCII pebbles -DtC] 
Those biased by the Aneristic Illusion would say yes. 
Those biased by the Eristic Illusion would say no. 
Criss-cross them and it is a star.

An Illuminated Mind can see all of these, yet he does not insist that any one 
is really true, or that none at all is true. Stars, and pentagons, and 
disorder are all his creations and he may do with them as he wishes. Indeed, 
even so the concept of number 5.
%
The real reality is there, but everything you KNOW about "it" is in your mind 
and yours to do with as you like. Conceptualization is art, and 
YOU ARE THE ARTIST.
%
Convictions cause convicts.
%
Can you chart the COURSE to Captain Valentine's SWEETHEART?
%
Hemlock? I never touch the stuff!
%
When I was 8 or 9 years old, I acquired
a split beaver magazine. You can imagine
my disappointment when,upon examination
of the photos with a microscope, I found
that all I could see was dots.
%
7. Never write in pencil unless you are on a train or sick in bed.
%
ERIS CONTEMPLATES FOR 3125 YEARS
%
Pun-jab is Sikh, Sikh, Sikh!
%
Today's DATE: day of the Carrot                 
yesterday's DATE: Yes   -><-
Originating Cabal: Joshua Norton Cabal - San Francisco
TO: REV. RAMPANT PANCREAS, tRRoCR(a)pttM; Colorado Encrustation

Brother Ram,
Your acute observation that ERIS spelled backwards is SIRE, and your inference
to the effect that there is sexual symbolism here, have brought me to some 
observations of my own.

ERIS spelled fore-part-aft-wards is RISE. And spelled inside out is REIS, 
which is a unit of money, albeit Portugese-Brazilian and no longer in use. 
>From this it may be concluded that Eris has usurped Eros (god of erotic love)
in the eyes of those who read backwards; which obviously made Eros sorE. Then
She apparently embezzeled the Olympian Treasury and went to Brazil; whereupon
She opened a chain of whorehouses (which certainly would get a rise from the
male population). I figure it to be this in particular because MADAM reads the
same forwards and backwards. And further, it is a term of great respect, 
similar to SIRE.

And so thank you for your insight, it may well be the clue to the mystery of 
just where Eris has been fucking around for 3125 years.
 
                                FIVE TONS OF FLAX!
                                -><-    Mal-2

Not for Circulation!
KALLISTI        HAIL ERIS             ALL HAIL DISCORDIA

safeguard this letter, it may be an IMPORTANT DOCUMENT
                                Form No.: O.D.D. IIb/ii.1-37D.VVM:3134
%
        "Everything is true - Everything is permissible!"            -><-
                                                -Hassan i Sabbah
%
There is serenity in Chaos.
Seek ye the Eye of the Hurricane.

A POEE MYSTEREE RITE - THE SRI SYADASTIAN CHANT
Written, in some sense, by Mal-2
Unlike a song, chants are not sung but chanted. This particular one is much 
enhanced by the use of a Leader to chant the Sanskrit alone, with all 
participants chanting the English. It also behooves one to be in a quiet 
frame of mind and to be sitting in a still position, perhaps The Buttercup 
Position. It also helps if one is absolutely zonked out of his gourd.

RUB-A-DUB-DUB O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Hung Mung. SYA-DASTI O! Hail Eris. 
Blessed St. Mo-jo. SYA-DAVAK-TAVYA O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Zara-thud. 
SYA-DASTI SYA-NASTI O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Elder Mal. SYA-DASTI 
KAVAK-TAV-YASKA O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Gu-lik. SYA-DASTI, SYA-NASTI, 
SYA-DAVAK-TAV-YASKA O! Hail Eris. All Hail Dis-cord-ia. RUB-A-DUB-DUB 

It is then repeated indefinitely, or for the first two thousand miles, 
which ever comes first. 
%
The Classification of Saints

SAINT SECOND CLASS 
To be reserved for all human beings deserving of Sainthood. Example: 
St. Norton the First, Emperor of the United States and Protector of 
Mexico (his grave near San Francisco is an official POEE shrine.) 

THE FOLLOWING FOUR CATAGORIES ARE RESERVED FOR FICTIONAL BEINGS WHO, 
NOT BEING ACTUAL, ARE MORE CAPABLE OF PERFECTION.

LANCE SAINT 
Good Saint material and definitely inspiring. Example: St. Yossarian (Catch 22, Heller) 

LIEUTENANT SAINT 
Excellent Goddess-Saturated Saint. Example: St. Quixote (Don Quixote, Cervantes) 

BRIGADIER SAINT 
Comparable to Lt/Saint but has an established following (fictional or factual). 
Example: St. Bokonon (Cat's Cradle, Vonnegut) 

FIVE STAR SAINT 
The Five Apostles of Eris. 

Note: It is an Old Erisian Tradition to never agree with each other about Saints.
%
Everybody understands Mickey Mouse. 
Few understand Herman Hesse. 
Only a handfull understood Albert Einstein. 
And nobody understood Emperor Norton. 
(Slogan of NORTON CABAL - S.F.) 
%
TESTS BY DOCTORS PROVE IT POSSIBLE TO SHRINK 
%
=ON OCCULTISM=
Magicians, especially since the Gnostic and the Quabala influences, have 
sought higher consciousness through assimilation and control of universal 
opposites-- good/evil, positive/negative, male/female, etc. But due to the 
steadfast pomposity of ritualism inherited from the ancient methods of the 
shaman, occultists have been blinded to what is perhaps the two most 
important pairs of apparent or earth-plane opposites: ORDER/DISORDER and 
SERIOUS/HUMOROUS.
Magicians, and progeny the scientists, have always taken themselves and their 
subject in an orderly and sober manner, thereby disregarding an essential 
metaphysical balance. When magicians learn to approach philosophy as a 
malleable art instead of an immutable Truth, and learn to appreciate the 
absurdity of man's endeavours, then they will be able to pursue their art with 
a lighter heart, and perhaps gain a clearer understanding of it, and therefore 
gain more effective magic. CHAOS IS ENERGY.

This is an essential challenge to the basic concepts of all western occult 
thought, and POEE is humbly pleased to offer the first breakthrough in 
occultism since Solomon.
%
"Study Demonology with an Enemy This Sunday"
                        sez Thom,Gnos
%
POEE ASTROLOGICAL SYSTEM
On your next birthday, return to the place of your birth and, at precisely 
midnight, noting your birth time and date of observation, count all visible 
stars. 
When you have done this, write to me and I'll tell you what to do next. 
The Eminent 16th Century Mathemetician Cardan so detested Luther that he 
altered Luther's birthdate to give him an unfavorable horoscope.
The theorem to be proved is that if any even number of people take seats at 
random around a circular table bearing place cards with their names, it is 
always possible to rotate the table until at least two people are opposite 
their cards. Assume the contrary. Let N be the even number of persons, and 
let their names be replaced by the integers 0 to N-1 "in such a way that the 
place cards are numbered in sequence around the table. If a delegate D 
originally sits down to a place card P, then the table must be rotated R 
steps before he is correctly seated, where R=P-D, unless this is negative, 
in which case R=P-D+N. The collection of values of D (and of P) for all 
delegates is clearly the integers 0 to N-1,each taken once, but so also is 
the collection of values of R, or else two delegates would be correctly 
seated at the same time. Summing the above equations, one for each delegate, 
gives S-S+NK, where K is an integer and S=N(N-1)/2, the sum of the integers 
from 0 to N-1. It follows that N=2K+1, an odd number." This contradicts the 
original assumption.

"I actually solved this problem some years ago," Rybicki writes, "for a 
different but completely equivalent problem, a generalization of the 
nonattacking 'eight queens' problem for a cylindrical chessboard where 
diagonal attack is restricted to diagonals slanting in one direction only."
%
THE CURSE OF GREYFACE AND THE INTRODUCTION OF NEGATIVISM
To choose order over disorder, or disorder over order, is to accept a trip 
composed of both the creative and the destructive. But to choose the creative 
over the destructive is an all-creative trip composed of both order and 
disorder. To accomplish this, one need only accept creative disorder along 
with, and equal to, creative order, and also willing to reject destructive 
order as an undesirable equal to destructive disorder.
The Curse of Greyface included the division of life into order/disorder as the
essential positive/negative polarity, instead of building a game foundation 
with creative/destructive as the essential positive/negative. He has thereby 
caused man to endure the destructive aspects of order and has prevented man 
from effectively participating in the creative uses of disorder. Civilization 
reflects this unfortunate division.

POEE proclaims that the other division is preferable, and we work toward the 
proposition that creative disorder, like creative order, is possible and 
desirable; and that destructive order, like destructive disorder, is 
unnecessary and undesirable.
Seek the Sacred Chao - therein you will find the foolishness of all 
ORDER/DISORDER. They are the same!
%
                   ERISIAN MAGIC RITUAL - THE TURKEY CURSE
 
Revealed by the Apostle Dr. Van Van Mojo as a specific counter to the evil
Curse of Greyface, THE TURKEY CURSE is here passed on to Erisians everywhere
for their just protection.
 
The Turkey Curse works.  It is firmly grounded on the fact that Greyface and
his followers absolutely require an aneristic setting to function and that a
timely introduction of eristic vibrations will neutralize their foundation.
The Turkey Curse is designed solely to counteract negative aneristic vibes 
and if introduced into a neutral or positive aneristic setting (like a poet
working out word rhythms) it will prove harmless, or at worst, simply
annoying.  It is not designed for use against negative eristic vibes, 
although it can be used as an eristic vehicle to introduce positive vibes 
into a misguided eristic setting.  In this instance, it would be the 
responsibility of the Erisian Magician to manufacture the positive 
vibrations if results are to be achieved.  CAUTION- all magic is powerful 
and requires courage and integrity on the part of the magician.  This 
ritual, if misused, can backfire.  Positive motivation is essential for 
self-protection.
 
TO PERFORM THE TURKEY CURSE:
 
Take a foot stance as if you were John L. Sullivan preparing for fisticuffs.
Face the particular greyfaced you wish to short-circuit, or towards the
direction of the negative aneristic vibration that you wish to neutralize.
Begin waving your arms in any elaborate manner and make motions with your 
hands as though you were Mandrake feeling up a sexy giantess.  Chant, loudly 
and clearly:
                   GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE!
The results will be instantly apparent.
%
                A PRIMER FOR ERISIAN EVANGELISTS by Lord Omar
 
        The SOCRATIC APPROACH is most successful when confronting the
ignorant.  The "socratic approach" is what you call starting an argument by
asking questions.  You approach the innocent and simply ask "Did you know 
that God's name is ERIS, and that He is a girl?"  If he should answer "Yes." 
then he probably is a fellow Erisian and so you can forget it.  If he says 
"No." then quickly proceed to:
        THE BLIND ASSERTION and say "Well, He Is a girl, and His name is
ERIS!"  Shrewedly observe if the subject is convinced.  If he is, swear him 
into the Legion of Dynamic Discord before he changes his mind.  If he does 
not appear convinced, then proceed to:
        THE FAITH BIT:  "But you must have Faith!  All is lost without 
Faith!  I sure feel sorry for you if you don't have Faith."  And then add:
        THE ARGUMENT BY FEAR and in an ominous voice ask "Do you know what
happens to those who deny Goddess?"  If he hesitates, don't tell him that he
will surely be reincarnated as a precious Mao Button and distributed to the
poor in the Region of Thud (which would be a mean thing to say), just shake
your head sadly and, while wiping a tear from your eye, go to:
        THE FIRST CLAUSE PLOY wherein you point to all of the discord and
confusion in the world and exclaim "Well who the hell do you think did all 
of this, wise guy?"  If he says, "Nobody, just impersonal forces." then 
quickly respond with:
        THE ARGUMENT BY SEMANTICAL GYMNASTICS and say that he is absolutely
right, and that those impersonal forces are female and that Her name is 
ERIS.  If he, wonder of wonders, still remains obstinate, then finally 
resort to:
        THE FIGURATIVE SYMBOLISM DODGE and confide that sophisticated people
like himself recognize that Eris is a Figurative Symbol for an Ineffable
Metaphysical Reality and that The Erisian Movement is really more like a 
poem than like a science and that he is liable to be turned into a Precious 
Mao Button and Distributed to The Poor in The Region of Thud if he does not 
get hip.  Then put him on your mailing list.
%
SINK
 
A GAME
 
by Ala Hera, E.L., N.S.; RAYVILLE APPLE PANTHERS
 
SINK is played by Discordians and people of much ilk.
 
PURPOSE: To sink object or an object or a thing...
in water or mud or anything you can sink something in.
 
RULES: Sinking is allowd in any manner.  To date, ten pound chunks of mud 
were used to sink a tobacco can.  It is preferable to have a pit of water or 
a hole to drop things in.  But rivers - bays - gulfs - I dare say even 
oceans can be used.
 
TURNS are taken thusly:  who somever gets the junk up and in the air first.
 
DUTY:  It shall be the duty of all persons playing "SINK" to help find more
objects to sink, once one object is sunk.
 
UPON SINKING:  The sinked shall yell "I sank it!" or something equally as
thoughtful.
 
NAMING OF OBJECTS is some times desirable.  The object is named by the 
finder of such object and whoever sinks it can say for instance, "I sunk 
Columbus, Ohio!"
%
"In a way, we're a kind of Peace Corps."
- Maj. A. Lincoln German, Training Director of the
Green Beret Special Warfare School, Ft. Bragg, N.C.
%
A Joint Effort of the Discordian Society
 
POST OFFICE LIBERATION FRONT
 
                                        Export License Not Required
 
THIS IS A CHAIN LETTER.
 
WITHIN THE NEXT FIFTY-FIVE DAYS YOU WILL RECEIVE THIRTY-ELEVEN HUNDRED 
POUNDS OF CHAINS!
In the meantime - plant your seeds.
 
If a lot of people who receive this letter plant a few seeds and a lot of
people receive this letter, then a lot of seeds will get planted.
Plant your seeds.
 
In parks.  On lots.  Public flower beds.  In remote places.  At City Hall.
Wherever.  Whenever.  Or start a plantation in your closet (but read up on 
it first for that).  For casual planting, its best to soak them in water for 
a day and plant in a bunch of about 5, about half an inch deep.  Don't worry 
much about the weather, they know when the weather is wrong and will try to 
wait for nature.  Don't soak them if its wintertime.  Seeds are a very 
hearty life form and strongly desire to grow and flourish.  But some of them 
need people's help to get started.  Plant your seeds.
 
Make a few copies of this letter (5 would be nice) and send them to friends 
of yours.  Try to mail to different cities and states, even different 
countries.  If you would rather not, then please pass this copy on to 
someone and perhaps they would like to.
 
THERE IS NO TRUTH
to the legend that if you throw away a chain letter then all sorts of
catastrophic, abominable, and outrageous disasters will happen.  Except, of
course, from your seed's point of view.
%
Q.  "How come a woodpecker doesn't bash its brains out?" 
A.  Nobody has ever explained that.
%
Mary Jane says "Plant Your Seeds.  Keep Prices Down."
%
"And God said, behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is 
upon the face of the earth... to you it shall be for meat."
                                -Genesis 1:29
%
[graphical stuff deleted -DtC]
%
Questions
Have a friendly class talk.  Permit each child to tell any part of the unit 
on "Courtesy in the Corridors and on the Stairs" that he enjoyed.  Name some
causes of disturbance in your school.
%
Chapter 1, THE EPISTLE TO THE PARANOIDS
--Lord Omar
 
1.  Ye have locked yerselves up in cages of fear--and, behold, do ye now
complain that ye lack FREEDOM!
 
2.  Ye have cast out yer brothers for devils and now complain ye, lamenting,
that ye've been left to fight alone.
 
3.  All Chaos was once yer kingdom; verily, held ye dominion over the entire
Pentaverse, but today ye was sore afraid in dark corners, nooks, and sink
holes.
 
4.  O how the darknesses do crowd up, one against the other, in ye hearts! 
What fear ye more that what ye have wroughten?
 
5.  Verily, verily I say unto you, not all the Sinister Ministers of the
Bavarian Illuminati, working together in multitudes, could so entwine the 
land with tribulation as have yer baseless warnings.
%
DESPITE strong evidence to the contrary, persistant rumor has it that it was
Mr. Momomoto's brother who swallowed Mr. Momomoto in the summer of '44.
%
                            BAVARIAN ILLUMINATI
 
         Founded by Hassan i Sabbah, 1090 A.D. (5090 A.L., 4850 A.M.)
         Reformed by Adam Weishaupt, 1776 A.D. (5776 A.L., 5536 A.M.)
 
                   THE ANCIENT ILLUMINATED SEERS OF BAVARIA
                              invite YOU to join
 
              The World's Oldest and Most Successful Conspiracy
 
Have you ever SECRETLY WONDERED WHY        IS there an ESOTERIC ALLEGORY con-
The GREAT PYRAMID has FIVE sides           cealed in the apparently innocent
(counting the bottom)?                     legend of Snow White and The Seven
                                           Dwarfs?
 
 
WHAT IS the TRUE secret SINISTER           WHY do scholarly anthropologists
REALITY lying behind the ANCIENT           TURN PALE with terror at the
Aztec Legend of QUETZLCOATL?               very MENTION of the FORBIDDEN
                                           name YOG-SOTHOTH?
 
WHO IS the MAN in ZURICH                   WHAT REALLY DID HAPPEN
that some SWEAR is LEE                     TO AMBROSE BIERCE?
HARVEY OSWALD?
  
If your I.Q. is over 150, and you have $3,125.00 (plus handling), you might 
be eligible for a trial membership in the A.I.S.B.  If you think you 
qualify, put the money in a cigar box and bury it in your backyard.  One of 
our Underground Agents will contact you shortly.
                                 I DARE YOU!
 
TELL NO ONE!  ACCIDENTS HAVE A STRANGE WAY OF HAPPENING TO PEOPLE WHO TALK 
                    TOO MUCH ABOUT THE BAVARIAN ILLUMINATI
 
May we warn you against imitations!  Ours is the original and genuine
%
"Nothing is true. Everything is Permissible"
                        - Hassan i Sabbah
%
NIL CARBORUNDUM ILLEGITIMO
%
"Illuminate the Opposition!"
-- Adam Weishaupt, Grand Primus Illuminatus
%
Official
Bavarian Illuminati
"Ewige Blumenkraft!"
%
                                                     INTER-OFFICE WIRE SENT
 
THE ANCIENT ILLUMINATED SEERS OF BAVARIA - VIGILANCE LODGE
Mad Malik, Hauptscheissmeister; Resident for Norton Cabal

          DISCORDIAN SOCIETY SUPER SECRET CRYPTOGRAPHIC CYPHER CODE
 
Of possible interest to all Discordians, this information is herewith 
released from the vaults of A.I.S.B., under the auspices of Episkopos Dr. 
Mordecai Malignatius, KNS.
 
SAMPLE MESSAGE: ("HAIL ERIS")
 
CONVERSATION:
A B C D E F G H I J  K  L  M  N  O  P  Q  R  S  T  U  V  W  X  Y  Z
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
 
STEP 1.  Write out the message (HAIL ERIS) and put all the vowels at the end
         (HLRSAIEI)
STEP 2.  Reverse order (IEIASRLH)
STEP 3.  Convert to numbers (9-5-9-1-19-18-12-8)
STEP 4.  Put into numerical order (1-5-8-9-9-12-18-19)
STEP 5.  Convert back to letters (AEHIILRS)
 
This cryptographic cypher code is GUARANTEED TO BE 100% UNBREAKABLE.
%
                   BEWARE! THE PARANOIDS ARE WATCHING YOU!
%
[note: Graphic Cypher deleted  DtC]
%
And when men become free then mankind will be free.
May you be free of The Curse of Greyface.
May the Goddess put twinkles in your eyes.
May you have the knowledge of a sage,
    and the wisdom of a child.
Hail Eris.                                              
%
THUS ENDS PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA
        This being the 4th Edition, March 1970, San Francisco; a revision of
the 3rd Edition of 500 copies, whomped together in Tampa 1969; which revised
the 2nd Edition of 100 copies from Los Angeles 1969; which was a revision of
"PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA or HOW THE WEST WAS LOST" published in New Orleans in
1965 in five copies, which were mostly lost.
%
If you think the PRINCIPIA is just a ha-ha, then go read it again.
 
               (K) ALL RIGHTS REVERSED - Reprint what you like
 
                Published by POEE Head Temple - San Francisco
                      " On The Future Site of Beautiful
                             San Andreas Canyon"
%
THE LAST WORD
The foregoing document was revealed to Mal-2 by the Goddess Herself through
many consultations with Her within his Pineal Gland.  It is guaranteed to be
the Word of Goddess.  However, it is only fair to state that Goddess doesn't
always say the same thing to each listener, and that other Episkoposes are
sometimes told quite different things in their Revelations, which are also 
the Word of Goddess.  Consequently, if you prefer a Discordian Sect other 
than POEE, then none of these Truths are binding, and it is a rotten shame 
that you have read all the way down to the very last word.
%
DISCORDIAN SOCIETY
Dedicated to an Advanced
Understanding  of the Paraphysical
Manifestations of Everyday Chaos
%
             DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVE A LOPSIDED PINEAL GLAND?
 
Well, probably you do have one, and it's unfortunate because lopsided Pineal
Glands have perverted the Free Spirit of Man, and subverted Life into a
frustrating, unhappy and hopeless mess.
 
Fortunately, you have before you a handbook that will show you how to 
discover your salvation through ERIS, THE GODDESS OF CONFUSION.  It will 
advise you how to balance your Pineal Gland and reach spiritual
Illumination.  And it will teach you how to turn your miserable mess into a
beautiful, joyful, and splendid one.
 
POEE is a bridge from
PISCES to AQUARIUS
%
the Words of the Illuminated                  Rated X... NATURALLY
 
Why are we Here ?                             SUPPRESSED KNOWLEDGE
 
Have you ever secretly                        HYGIENE
wondered why the Great                        The Lord promised: "Therefore,
Pyramid has five sides? -                     behold, I will bring evil upon
counting the bottom?                          the house of Jeroboam and will
                                              cut off from Jeroboam him that
GRAND OPERA                                   pisseth against the wall..."
"Wherefore my bowels shall sound                  -I Kings 14:10 (This
like a harp for Moab, and mine                unsanitary practice caused
inner parts for Kirharesh."                   serious erosion of the mud
   -Isaiah 16:11                              walls)
%
Face to fact with the mighty forces and elements of nature, the thoughtful 
man fearlessly contemplates his place in the great cosmic scheme.
                               -><-  POEE  -><-
%
YES, I'd like to know the Five Simple Actions that will turn Me into a 
"Mental Wizard" in a Single Weekend.
%
                                   Warning!
Prolonged use in a darkened room may induce hallucinations or trigger
undesired side effects.  Should not be used in the presence of persons 
subject to epilepsy.
%
              THIS MAY BE THE MOST IMPORTANT GUIDE IN YOUR LIFE!
%
-THE GODDESS ERIS PREVAILS-
%
